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A full timeline of the major events concerning the The Amazing Atheist channel and The Drunken Peasants.

Pre-DP

The Beginning

In the beginning only the Gods held domain in existence. The foremost of these Gods was Scotty Cena. Scotty Cena soon became tired of existing in a void with John Cena, Shirt Guy, and the Trickster-God Jim Ass; so he exclaimed "Let there be Pan!" and all of Creation sprang forward.

But Scotty Cena became grew restless -- even with all the Pan in existence -- so he created a TJ. He synthesized TJ from a leaf of Pan and a banana.

But eventually (after like 5 seconds) TJ grew lonely, so out of TJ's rib, Scotty Cena created Scotty, to be TJ's brother.

However, after TJ and Scotty came back from raiding a Matinae enclosure, Scotty Cena saw that TJ and Scotty needed regulation, else they smoke all of his majestic Pan-fields away. So from the Communist manifesto, another Pan-leaf, and his favorite luchador wrestling mask, Scotty Cena created Ben. Ben was to maintain order between the two brother's, and to claim TJ to sleep at night with his fucking sexy voice.

But TJs' loins yearned for companionship -- he needed the "Yin to his Yang" -- so Scotty Cena created a friend for him. TJ's new friend was Paul. Paul was to be a loyal, cuddly and caring friend to both TJ and the other faggots. Scotty Cena bestowed upon Paul a Mighty set of jowls to serve as an effective weapon against any motherfucker who starts to trip.

He named the band of idiots The Drunken Peasants and set them on a journey to "do shit".

And so, lead by the wise, laid-back and frugal Ben, and Championed by the awesome power that is TJ. The Drunken Peasants walked away, to find TJ some cigarettes, and then a McDonalds with internet, so Scotty could get some eggs. It is said that TJ checked his phone for the first time there and has become a porn-addict ever-since (it's thought that the event sparked in TJ, a fetish for food and vore).

And then they walked the Earth or some shit.

37 B.C.E.

  • August 26 - A secret society known as the Dark Patrons is formed in the Roman Republic. They were instrumental in sabotaging Mark Antony's forces before the Battle of Actium, leading to Augustus' rise to power and the formation of the Roman Empire. The Dark Patrons have since grown to include thousands of extremely powerful members, and they are responsible for nearly every major world event in the past 500 years. The current leader of this highly secretive organization is suspected to be TJ Kirk.

1555

Michel de Nostradame publishes his book, The Prophecies, in which he predicts several major world events. Two quatrains were included in the first edition, but later omitted for unknown reasons:

1. In the century of one score and one,

The Dark Patron of light hair shall conquer all.

The great deceiver will leave nothing in his wake,
except death, destruction, and incest.
2. The end of the world shall be brought about
when the godless serf rallies 1,000 legions
to serve his evil purpose
and destroy the goodness of society.
Both of these quatrains are suspected to be about TJ. The second one seems to suggest that the new world order will be brought about when TJ reaches a million subscribers on his main channel, although this is unclear. It is likely that this was not included in later editions of the book because France was ruled by Dark Patrons at that time.


1978

2001

2006

  • November 20 - The Amazing Atheist channel is created.

2010

  • January 11 - TJdoeslife channel is created.

2011

  • October - TJ Kirk intentionally releases the video now known as BananaGate. BananaGate is widely regarded as the predecessor to the Drunken Peasants Podcast, due to their many qualitative and structural similarities. Kenyanist wars start in Central Africa.
  • October 31 - TJ claims that his side piece leaked BananaGate. In reality, it is a plot by the Dark Patrons to desensitize the masses to sodomy, which will be the main form of communication after the new world order is established.

2014

DPLogo

The 2014 logo.

2015

2016

  • January 5 - The Drunken Peasants 2nd anniversary.
  • January - DP L.A. Meetup.
  • January 27 (Episode 198) - TJ reveal his underlying sexual relationship with d-vawn Trace.
  • January 29 (Episode 200) - Paul gets fisted. Johnny preaches gTime, and other crazy shit.
  • May 13 (Episode 238) - Scoopy temporarily hijacks the show during the greatest episode of all time.
  • May 18 (Episode 240) - TJ quits DP, then returns after a few seconds.

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