In the beginning only the Gods held domain in existence. The foremost of these Gods was Scotty Cena. Scotty Cena soon became tired of existing in a void with John Cena, Shirt Guy, and the Trickster-God Jim Ass; so he exclaimed "Let there be Pan!" and all of Creation sprang forward.
But Scotty Cena became grew restless -- even with all the Pan in existence -- so he created a TJ. He synthesized TJ from a leaf of Pan and a banana.
But eventually (after like 5 seconds) TJ grew lonely, so out of TJ's rib, Scotty Cena created Scotty, to be TJ's brother.
However, after TJ and Scotty came back from raiding a Matinae enclosure, Scotty Cena saw that TJ and Scotty needed regulation, else they smoke all of his majestic Pan-fields away. So from the Communist manifesto, another Pan-leaf, and his favorite luchador wrestling mask, Scotty Cena created Ben. Ben was to maintain order between the two brother's, and to claim TJ to sleep at night with his fucking sexy voice.
But TJs' loins yearned for companionship -- he needed the "Yin to his Yang" -- so Scotty Cena created a friend for him. TJ's new friend was Paul. Paul was to be a loyal, cuddly and caring friend to both TJ and the other faggots. Scotty Cena bestowed upon Paul a Mighty set of jowls to serve as an effective weapon against any motherfucker who starts to trip.
He named the band of idiots The Drunken Peasants and set them on a journey to "do shit".
And so, lead by the wise, laid-back and frugal Ben, and Championed by the awesome power that is TJ. The Drunken Peasants walked away, to find TJ some cigarettes, and then a McDonalds with internet, so Scotty could get some eggs. It is said that TJ checked his phone for the first time there and has become a porn-addict ever-since (it's thought that the event sparked in TJ, a fetish for food and vore).
And then they walked the Earth or some shit.
- August 26 - A secret society known as the Dark Patrons is formed in the Roman Republic. They were instrumental in sabotaging Mark Antony's forces before the Battle of Actium, leading to Augustus' rise to power and the formation of the Roman Empire. The Dark Patrons have since grown to include thousands of extremely powerful members, and they are responsible for nearly every major world event in the past 500 years. The current leader of this highly secretive organization is suspected to be TJ Kirk.
Michel de Nostradame publishes his book, The Prophecies, in which he predicts several major world events. Two quatrains were included in the first edition, but later omitted for unknown reasons:
1. In the century of one score and one,
The Dark Patron of light hair shall conquer all.
The great deceiver will leave nothing in his wake,
except death, destruction, and incest.
2. The end of the world shall be brought about
when the godless serf rallies 1,000 legions
to serve his evil purpose
and destroy the goodness of society.Both of these quatrains are suspected to be about TJ. The second one seems to suggest that the new world order will be brought about when TJ reaches a million subscribers on his main channel, although this is unclear. It is likely that this was not included in later editions of the book because France was ruled by Dark Patrons at that time.
- April 20 - Mitch Craigs and Dan Stevens start the Drunken Peasants, a plot by the Dark Patrons to rally the most evil and depraved members of society to their cause.
- September 11 - The greatest day of all time.
- November 20 - The Amazing Atheist channel is created.
- January 11 - TJdoeslife channel is created.
- October - TJ Kirk intentionally releases the video now known as BananaGate. BananaGate is widely regarded as the predecessor to the Drunken Peasants Podcast, due to their many qualitative and structural similarities. Kenyanist wars start in Central Africa.
- October 31 - TJ claims that his side piece leaked BananaGate. In reality, it is a plot by the Dark Patrons to desensitize the masses to sodomy, which will be the main form of communication after the new world order is established.
- January 3 - Formation of the No Bullshit Podcast.
- January 5 (Episode 1) - No Bullshit Podcast is renamed, and the first episode of Drunken Peasants is formed.
- January 9 (Episode 2) - The first appearance of Galen Hallcyon.
- January 10 (Episode 3) - The first appearance of Howard Bloom.
- January 17 (Episode 5) - The first appearance of Dusty Smith.
- January 31 (Episode 9) - The first appearance of Jaclyn Glenn.
- March 8 (Episode 15) - The first appearance of Daniel Sulzbach aka Mr. Repzion.
- March 15 (Episode 17) - The first guest appearance of PaulsEgo
- March 23 (Episode 18) - The first Drunken Peasants podcast with video.
- March 24 (Religion Debate) - The DP's first actual debate and first encounter with G Man.
- March 29 (Episode 20) - The first appearance of Brett Keane.
- May 7 (Episode 25) - Scotty Cena is bioengineered by TJ and Scotty in Columbus.
- May 28 (Episode 28) - The longest episode on record of 4 hours, 21 minutes, and 5 seconds.
- June 6 (Episode 29) - The first appearance of Thunderf00t.
- June 9 (Episode 30) - The first appearance of The Investigamer.
- June 20 (Episode 31) - The first appearance of Hugo and Jake from The Bible Reloaded.
- July 16 - The original Drunken Peasants wiki is created.
- July 17 (Episode 34) - The first guest appearance of Patrick Coleman and Ryan Wiley.
- July 23 (Episode 35) - The first appearance of Zaunstar.
- August 14 (Episode 37) - The first guest appearance of Tim Black.
- August 21 (Episode 38) - The original Hey Scotty, Jesus Man video is played for the first time.
- October 16 (Episode 45) - The first guest appearance of VenomFangX.
- October 23 - First Stupid Ad Segment.
- October 31 - The Drunken Peasants start doing shows three times a week.
- December 10 - One video of DP gets flagged for a "misleading thumbnail" and the channel is not allowed to post live videos.
- January 5 (Episode 70) - The Drunken Peasants 1st anniversary.
- January 9 (Episode 72) - The first guest appearance of Razorfist.
- January 14 - The Drunken Peasants get their channel back.
- January 16 (Episode 71) - The first appearance of Pistol Slamfire.
- January 21 (Episode 76) - The first appearance of JF.
- February 2 - DMCAGate 2015
- February 14 (Episode 85) - The first appearance of Mercedes Carrera.
- March 4 (Episode 92) - The first appearance of MundaneMatt.
- March 20 (Episode 98) - The first appearance of TheRPGMinx.
- March 27 (Episode 100) - The Drunken Peasants' 100th episode special!
- April 3 (Episode 103) - Jim Ass pays the Drunken Peasants $10,000.
- April 12 - AnitaGate2015.
- April 15 (Episode 107) - The first guest appearance of Creationist Cat.
- April 22 (Episode 109) - The "end" of the Ryan Wiley Saga. The first appearance of Sargon of Akkad.
- May 4 (Episode 114) - The Peasants fully acknowledged the DP Wiki, and therefore completed The Gerudo Dragon's Illuminati ritual to summon the Antichrist. The wiki also became official and will be supported by the Drunken Peasants in episodes from here until Jesus' second coming. The Gerudo Dragon's genitals explode as well.
- May 6 (Episode 115) - The first guest appearance of BeyondPhere.
- May 5 - The first episode of RageFeed was uploaded.
- May 11 - Drunken Peasants take exile in Europe.
- May 24 - DP receives a copyright strike from Christiano Film Group Inc for the use of the Hey Scotty clips while overseas. Because of this, Episodes 116-121 were posted on The Amazing Atheist.
- June 8 (Episode 116) - First DP episode since their trip to Europe and first guest appearance of gTime Johnny.
- June 17 (Episode 120) - Scotty admits that he loves Canada. TJ prompts the wiki to write that in because we are but sheep.
- June 20 (Episode 121) - DP is allowed to post videos on their main channel again.
- July 6 (Episode 127) - The first appearance of Vadim Newquist.
- July 10 (Episode 129) - The first appearance of Stevie.
- July 17 (Episode 132) - The first appearance of Liberal Viewer.
- September 2 (Episode 147) - The first appearance of Armoured Skeptic.
- September 4 (Episode 148) - The first guest appearance of The Vigilant Christian.
- September 9 (Episode 150) - The first guest appearance of Vegan Gains.
- September 11 (Episode 151) - PaulsEgo is announced as a regular guest on Friday shows.
- September 28 (Episode 158) - The first guest appearance of KaceyTron.
- September 29 (Episode 159) - The first appearance of Gad Saad.
- October 7 (Episode 162) - The first appearance of GirlDoesRant.
- October 23 (Episode 167) - The first episode streamed in full HD 1080p.
- November 4 (Episode 172) - The first guest appearance of Evan Lefavor.
- November 6 (Episode 173) - The first appearance of Sex Masterka.
- November 11 (Episode 175) - The first guest appearance of iMustDestroyAll.
- November 21 (Episode 179) - G Man vs. JF Rap battle.
- December 1 (Episode 183) - The first appearance of Tommy From The Bronx.
- December 28 (Episode 190) The Swedish patron piece of shit know as Dead Dove made his first appearance.
- January 5 - The Drunken Peasants 2nd anniversary.
- January - DP L.A. Meetup.
- January 27 (Episode 198) - TJ reveal his underlying sexual relationship with d-vawn Trace.
- January 29 (Episode 200) - Paul gets fisted. Johnny preaches gTime, and other crazy shit.
- May 13 (Episode 238) - Scoopy temporarily hijacks the show during the greatest episode of all time.
- May 18 (Episode 240) - TJ quits DP, then returns after a few seconds.