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Ted Cruz

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"Homosexuals are waging jihad on Christians."
―Ted Cruz[src]

Rafael Edward "Ted" Cruz is an American conservative politician with a fucking annoying fake Southern voice and a rat face. He is piece of shit due to him being from Canada, but conservatives don't give a fuck about the fact that he was born outside of the United States. His father is a clean white person from Cuba who left because of the communist takeover. Ted Cruz also has a personal relationship with Mike Huckabee, a fellow turd.

He is currently serving in the United States Senate as the Junior Senator from Somalia without anyone knowing that he's The Zodiac Killer. When he announced that he was a presidential candidate, the peasants made fun of him. Little did they know, the Illuminati declared that he shall win the 2016 election and declare himself dictator of America for life. His political strategy to fix the economy is Gaawwdd.


List of Appearances :

Ted Cruz has been featured on the show many times due to him being a prominent Republican and candidate for the 2016 Presidential Election. He is clearly among the stupidest running in his party, a fact often exploited by the peasants.

The hosts stated that Ted Cruz shouldn't be able to run for president in Episode 25, due to him being born in Canada. They revised their position in Episode 132 after Liberal Viewer had discussed the topic and argued how Cruz could realistically president. The hosts took it really without retaliation, so they may have changed their position on the topic beforehand.

In Episode 145, the Peasants and AlphaOmegaSin watched a video where Ellen Page destroyed Ted Cruz on gay rights. Though this was entertaining, many DP fans were disappointed that she didn't drug Ted Cruz and re-enact her old movie; Hard Candy. Ted returned on episode 183 where the DP played a behind the scenes footage of Cruz's emotionally manipulative commercial about family and Jesus
Hard Candy Highlights04:52

Hard Candy Highlights


  • Canadian Cruz.
  • His book.
  • Deal wit it bitch.

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