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Scotty Cena

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"I'm gonna FUCK YOUR ASS! And then you gonna be humble."
—His catchphrase.
Scotty Cena is the best and overall most beloved host of the Drunken Peasants Podcast. His growing popularity and control over the show caused the jealous Kaiser Scotty someone to stab him 17 times. He has since recovered and returned to the podcast.


Scotty Cena is a host of DP who lives in a mansion on top of a hill and visits the peasants whenever Scotty too busy getting fucked in the ass with a 18" long and wide strap-on by his bitch. He repeatedly shouts vulgar threats of abuse and rape with the help of this soundboard.


Scotty Cena is the love child of John Cena and Scotty. Scotty Cena assaults Ben on a regular basis. Scotty Cena is a huge John Cena fan, almost as big as Ben.

Scotty Cena's favorite fruit is bananas. In fact, it is believed that he ate the banana that was used in the making of BananaGate. He split it with Paul. Various segments were shipped out to other members of the Atheist community. Brett Keane has kept his (the pointy end) to this day.

There are some misconceptions that Scotty assaulted Scotty Cena and put him in the hospital. This is simply untrue. Scotty does not possess the strength to injure Scotty Cena. During the weeks where he was absent from the shows, Scotty Cena was helping out Make-A-Wish® kids and curing AIDs in Africa.

Brett Keane DESTROYS Scotty Cena!04:54

Brett Keane DESTROYS Scotty Cena!

On Drunken Peasants

Scotty Cena was raped by TJ in episode 128.

Scotty Kirk Someone tried to assassinate Scotty Cena right before Episode 134. He was forced into hospitalization, where he could not appear on the show until he recovered.

Scotty Cena has since recovered, having appeared on RAGE FEED with Ben. The relationship between Scotty Kirk and Scotty Cena is very heated. It is unknown wether or not Kirk has made another attempt on Cena's life. He has not been seen or heard of in months and it is possible that foul play may have been involved!


Scotty Cena was challenged to a final match by Scotty to decide who was the best Scotty. The match took place during the February 2017 private show. The patrons watched live as Scotty and Scotty Cena duked it out. They appeared evenly matched, both kicking out at 2 several times. Until Scotty finally gained the upper hand and won the match.

In a blind autism-fueled rage, Scotty continued to beat on Scotty Cena even after his victory. Patrons watched in horror as Scotty tore beloved champion Scotty Cena to pieces covering the floor with his stuffing. Scotty Cena's manager, Paul, begged Scotty to end this ruthless slaughter as he tried in vain to collect the pieces of his client. TJ hugged Paul to comfort him. This solemn moment was somewhat ruined by TJ's asscrack taking up half the frame.


"But I am the MAN with the TEN INCH COCK!"
—Scotty Cena's usual rebuttal to Ben and TJ.
"I'll fuck your wife, I'll fuck your daughter, and I'll fuck your son!"
—Scotty Cena recanting his horrible deeds. He's not gay, he just doesn't want anyone to feel left out.
"Another little fag. Worse than Micheal Jackson."
—Scotty Cena on The Vigilant Christian

TJ seen with a young Scotty Cena during Episode 44.


  • Scotty Cena was voted the greatest host of the show by fans.
  • Scotty Cena hates Scotty and plans on fucking his ass and making him humble the next time he sees him.
  • Scotty Cena fucked Scotty's wife, daughter and son, much like the events of "The Usual Suspects" starring Kevin Spacey, earning Scotty the moniker "Kaiser Scotty.".
  • Scotty Cena regularly attends gang-bangs advertised on craigslist.
  • Scotty Cena has an IMDb page.[1]
  • It is widely accepted that Scotty unleashed over ten years of rage at Cena, it is unknown if he will ever recover mentally. This rage was caused by not being able to profess his love of eggs.
  • Scotty Cena still wakes up screaming in a cold sweat some nights, as he still experiences flashes of Scotty's wrath.
  • He has the ability to grow to the size of a full grown man, but has not done so since his maiming.


  • Scotty Cena.
  • Before his plastic surgery.
  • TJ's drawing of Scotty Cena suplexing Ben.
  • In his prime.
  • The return of Scotty Cena.


  1. We are not shitting you. A wrestling doll has an IMDB page

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