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Pat Robertson

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Pat Robertson (a.k.a. Caesar the Chimpanzee) is an conservative American televangelist, known for his outlandish views on homosexuals (and pretty much everything in general). He is about 120 years old, but hasn't progressed physically or mentally beyond a chimpanzee. It is unknown if he is a zombie, a demon or a vampire. He believes that natural disasters are God's work and are justifiable. He also thinks Halloween is Satanic and evil. It's good that this old fuck will be dead soon.

On DP

He has been featured on the show many times. Also, TJ made a video on him on January 14, 2010 on his Amazing Atheist channel.

Appearances (Incomplete)

Billgivesittopat

Pat exorcising some demons

Vegetable addiction

"Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Why? Why would you do it?"
―Why do people eat vegetables? Why??

Pat Robertson said on March 2, 2015 that people who smoked marijuana, used cocaine or consumed alcohol had been enslaved by vegetables. [1]

"Your slavery to vegetables, he can set you free,"
―Yeah, if you pay pray hard enough you can be free from those pesky vegetables

Btw the United States Department of Agriculture officially classifies cannabis as “herb”.

A confession of an vegetable survivor

"It all started with my parents. At the time I was conceived they were already both addicts. So I was a crack vegetable baby. And since I was born they forced me to eat vegetables like cabbage and broccoli...After years of forced feeding, they made me an addict too and I've hated them for it... After I've moved away from them my addiction got worse. I had to sell my car, my furniture, my tv and every other valuable stuff in my home just to get my daily fix. After there was nothing left sell, I had to crawl and beg for money just to get some vegetables...I even ended up giving blowjobs in alleyways for strangers for a few carrots and potatoes...I was really messed up back then. But one day I've realized that I need expert help. After a long vegetable rehabilitation with a heavy treatment of bacon and fat through intravenous therapy I was able to overcome my addiction. Thanks to Man v. Food and Epic Meal Time I can know live a happy and vegetable less life!"
―An ex-vegetable addict

Quotes

Nos 3
"You are a slave to pan. But God can help you break free from your addiction."
―Pat Robertson, to TJ
Patfinger

Pat Robertson to logic.

"It may be a blessing in disguise...Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other."
―On the earthquake in Haiti[src]

Trivia

  • Interestingly, he accepts Evolution, meaning there may be a shred of rationality in his being to balance out everything else. Unfortunately, he hasn't progressed beyond a grandfatherly chimp.
  • It is speculated that when he is not on TV, he is kept frozen to preserve what little life he has left.
  • He is the religious version of Scrooge McDuck
  • Just like what happened to Dick Clark, Pat Robertson is going to be on the TV screens for a while, even in his death bed.

References

  1. https://youtu.be/0ZHIg9TETAU

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