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Joseph Martelli

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This man is so butthurt and pathetic that he resorted to wiki vandalism. If you're a guy and you see this man, run for the hills cuz he's comin fo yo booty.

"I'm totally against atheism-believism. "
—Joseph pontificating his illustrious lexicon.

Joseph Martelli (born July 7, 1977) is a repressed homosexual pig-person who is known throughout atheist circles for preaching his hatred towards homosexuals outside a local adult bookstore he used to patronize before becoming saved by Jesus and then married some poor woman named Laurie. He resides in Niagara halls, New York

Joseph has a YouTube channel where he regularly posts and deletes small videos with incoherent titles that detail his small, meaningless little life. One of the more exciting additions to Joseph's channel (aside from the dozens and dozens of mundane bullshit) is his acquisition of a free gay pride flag to which he makes tiny scorch marks on with a lighter in an act of defiance (and he's too much of a pussy to just burn the whole thing). He eventually fully immolated the flag when he grew some fucking balls and no shits were given that day.

He has gone legitimately insane as of late, probably snapping after realizing he has committed perjury, ergo sin in his disturbed mind. After a comment argument with Youtube user Robert Robinson, Joseph threatened to come over to his location to yell at random people about Robert being a degenerate. This only got scarier when recently Joseph has been uploading multiple ten second videos saying he's not joking and even showing a Google Maps directions to said apartment and reading bible verses such as the one about Judas killing himself, actively wishing the Drunken Peasants and all their fans would follow Judas's example. It has gotten to the point where Robert had to ask his landlord to put up notices on every tenant's door to call the police the second anybody sees him. This made Joseph add the "Degenerate Landlord" to his supposed hit list.

Before DP

Martelli has been featured on the Drunken Peasants as well as being the subject of videos by Jaclyn Glenn and Mr. Repzion (or MrRep-ZY-on as Joseph incorrectly properly pronounces). In a response video to said YouTuber, Joseph recalls a time prior to his "salvation" when he came to the adult bookstore/gay fuckpad with the intent on getting dick-sucked by another man, only to be repulsed by the presence of bukkake and the smell of penis on a guy's breath (though it's more likely he was actually just rejected for being the human swine that he is).


Martelli first appeared in Episode 56 that viewed a video of his criticizing TJ, asking what is so "amazing" about The Amazing Atheist. Martelli argued that TJ isn't amazing because he'll eventually die one day (shocker!), using Jeopardy! as an analogy in which he demonstrates no knowledge of how the show actually operates, and claims that atheism is wrong and the Bible is right because the Bible said so (that's pretty much the extent of his arguing style).

He reappeared in the following podcast at 22 minutes in as a response video to DP. In the video, Martelli said he didn't care about his misunderstanding of the show Jeopardy! and that he'd rather read the Bible than watch that show (to which Ben and TJ lamented on how Martelli could actually learn something if he watched it). He then quoted Psalm 14:1 (The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God) and ended the video abruptly. TJ commented on how the video lacked anything substantive, unaware of that being par for the course for Joseph's videos.

He eventually returned on episode 203 where he explained his solution for the gays. He would separate gays and lesbians in two islands so they'll die off and not spread the gay anymore. Joseph was completely unaware that gay people are BORN FROM STRAIGHT COUPLES!!! You can also see his breath while he films himself in his shitty house. Meaning that either he's too poor, cheap or stupid to use a heater in the middle of winter, or his wife is actually Linda Blair.

On episode 208 he challenged the DP to a google hangout. The DP accepted his challenged and instead of having a google hangout they invited him on a future show.

He was in Episode 213 where he told T.J he was cute and would turn him into a little bitch.

In episode 217, because he's clearly doing it for attention, he takes Tommy Sotomizer's side in DMCAGate 2016. His entire video was just ad hominem attacks against the peasant's looks and weight and saying he would destroy all four of them in a debate or fight. In general, coming off as a "Fight me IRL!" Internet Tough Guy.

In episode 227 he returned for the first time after A false DMCA with a video where he swore on a meaningless book that he would not step foot on the property own by the landlord of a YouTube who he has been threatening to show up to a harass. That is right. On top of filing DMCA's and Copyright strikes he is threatening people that he is going to show up at there houses for making videos about him. He then said the DMCA was not a butthurt move. TJ pointed that out to be a lie. Joseph then admitted to Flagging down other peoples videos. TJ then explained fair use to Joseph then they moved on...

He returned in episode 228 talking about how he is going underground and blah, blah, blah..

He then returned for the 3rd time in a week in Episode 229 but whatever...



  • Joseph has recently lost quite a bit of weight. Well, gyms are full of hot, sweaty, muscular men.
  • He gets extremely butthurt when somebody leaves a single negative comment on any of his insane rabbling videos to the point of using very obvious sock accounts to help him yell at you. Absolutely any and all arguments boil down to calling you a fag or demanding you fight him irl.
  • He acts all aggressive and uppity when he condemns homosexuality. He actually just comes off as a massive faggot.
  • One of the various bullshit reasons Joseph condemns homosexuality is because he deems it effeminate, while he later argued against same-sex marriage through a poem.
  • Joseph berated Mr. Repzion for insulting him in a video response rather than saying it to his face whilst shooting a video. Guess he doesn't really know how YouTube videos work.
  • You could pause any of his videos and end up with a fantastic screenshot.
  • He wants to send anyone who is not straight to luxurious utopian islands, so there won't be any gays in society, Obviously a flawless plan...
  • He probably wants the penis.
  • He challenged the Peasants to a google hangout.
  • Apparently he thinks TJ is cute.
  • When he is butthurt he resorts to childish insults.
  • This Faggatron 5000 also thought it was a great fucking idea to flag DP cause his little feel feels were hurt.
  • He has since withdrawn the false DMCA because fans held his feet to the fire.
  • He is now filing copyright strikes on anyone who makes a video about him.
  • He also said he was coming to the Drunken Peasent Hangout 2016, but has recently renounced that he ever said he would while continuing his rabbling rhetoric of "Don't insult me over the internet you fucking losers. I don't care about you! Come to Niagra Falls to say it to my face! Fight me IRL, faggots! Peace!"
  • This fucker actually showed up near the Columbus meetup and promptly got chased away by Tommy From the Bronx and other DP fans
  • Scientists speculate that due to the massive compression his butthole was put under during his runaway in Columbus it has generated its own gravitational force, which could eventually result in a black hole if he keeps feeding it with falic-shaped objects.

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