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John Cena

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"I don't have any elaborate uniforms; I come to the ring in a T-shirt, a pair of sneakers and some shorts."
—Cena explains why he sucks massive cock.

John Felix Anthony Sarah Jessica Parker Cena (born April 23, 1977) is the sexiest man alive and a potential candidate for the greatest wrestler of all time as well as Ben's personal sex doll. He is frequently the object of ridicule by the peasants for his bland acting prowess and overall "nice guy" attitude. There was a running gag earlier in the show's lifespan that TJ and Scotty would pretend to love Cena (which of course they do). John also has a son named Fred, who is a washed up YouTube celebrity.


Cena is not only the greatest wrestler of all time, but also holds a special place in TJ and Scotty's hearts, made obvious by their Cena shrine. Ben sacrifices His virginity cute puppies on the shrine in an attempt to appease the great, holy, and powerful Cena.

Sex Tape

A sex tape with John Cena and Ben was leaked by Mario, as he was jealous that Cena got laid more in high school.

Cena is often made fun of in the chat. In retaliation to this, he has been made an account to deal with his haters and make stupid videos. You know it's real because he can throw down some sick beats!


OFFICIAL John Cena Show01:51

OFFICIAL John Cena Show

John Cena Sucks Chant On Raw After Wrestlemania 3000:58

John Cena Sucks Chant On Raw After Wrestlemania 30

People trolling Cena at Summer Slam.

  • TJ once said he hopes to have Cena on the show one time. Ben said he would never want Cena on the show for the constant fear of impending dick-sucking and masturbation.
  • He is a living contradiction. He has been photographed and seen on video, yet it is also true that, you can't see him.
  • Your time is up. His time is now.
  • It's in the franchise, he's shining now.
  • Many kids worship him and even have created the religion of Islam in honor of Cena, peace be upon him.
  • John once sodomized Scoopy, resulting in Scotty Cena.
  • He's humanity's best, last hope.


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