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Galen Hallcyon

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"There's more to life than a label. Actions are more meaningful and important than attachment to ideological terms. "
―Galen [src]

Galen Halcyon is the intellectually godlike strawman of internet neckbeards incarnate, a good friend of TJ's, compulsive asshole and a recurring guest on Drunken Peasants Podcast. Has on several occasions managed to annoy the entire DP audience with a combination of devil's-advocacy, referring to books by obscure philosophers, and generally condescending us unwashed masses that comprise the DP fanbase. He is a fan of TJ who became his friend when they met in real life. They initially met in 2003 in the bathroom of a concert, but they did not become close friends until 2009.


Galen puts an extreme emphasis on individuality, claiming that great minds do not think alike, and that a deep psychological revolution is necessary as philosophy is not a theory but an activity. [1] He is very vocal of his opinions, as shown on the podcast when he describes himself as a fallibalist (a.k.a. edgy). He also has a dislike for labels, as he has a hard time even grouping himself with dirty atheists, but, despite this, he openly admits that TJ and Scotty have had a hand in forming how he thinks, which may or may not be a good thing, research still needs to be done on this.


Despite never having had the chance to meet, Galen has said there are a number of parallels between him and TJ's father, Thomas James Kirk. He also finds that he has a lot in common with Scotty[2], such as how they are both low on the DP totem pole. These statements were actually said as a very clumsy apology for making Scotty lose his shit over stupid bickering.

He rarely uploads videos, but the ones he has are pretty good. Here's an example:



On Drunken Peasants

"What if Jesus told you to suck his dick?"
―Galen trolling G Man
He first appeared on the second episode of the DP where he talked for 40 minutes of the goddamn podcast. He returned to revolutionize other episodes. Half of the DP fanbase utterly despise him, and the other half also do, but find him interesting and intelligent despite this. The hate can generally be attributed to his antagonism toward Leelah Alcorn on the podcast and his position on suicide, or the fact that some think he is as full of himself as he is full of shit.

On Amazing Atheist

Galen has made several appearances on TJ's main channel as well as his documentary Amazing. His appearances on TJ's channel were almost completely in movie reviews (not associated with DistressedWatcher) The reviews were mostly for the Transformers movies.


  • Galen hates labels, therefore, he may be definitely is a hipster.
  • The reason he's not uploaded stuff recently is because of health issues and his moving situation.
  • Blockbuster Movies Is Stan Right or Wrong?14:54

    Blockbuster Movies Is Stan Right or Wrong?

    He was born in Malta, whatever the fuck that is.
  • He has been shown to get really pissed off if somebody calls him out as a "pseudo-intellectual", so make sure to do exactly that.
  • Galen does not appear to have any ears.
  • He hates being called an Atheist.
  • He finds that it is important to recognize how many different religions there are, and how widely ideas vary within them.
  • Scotty described him as "a very specific and nuanced person", and that most people likely couldn't meet his standards.[3]
  • Galen has had many celebrity encounters including beating up Gary Coleman, hitting Brittany Spears one more time, and smelling Natalie Portman's crotch.
  • Galen has the cooking skills of a gourmet chef.
  • Galen's dick is said to be bigger than the Soviet Union, which by the way no longer exists. Come to your own conclusion.
  • TJ trolls Galen02:02

    TJ trolls Galen

    During the first podcast without TJ as a host, Galen was a full episode guest. Throughout the episode he antagonized G Man, who was clearly not amused.
  • Galen can also be attributed to making what is considered by some most all fans to be the undisputed worst episode, #69.
  • He is or at least has been a supporter of GamerGate.
  • Galen has been an extra in several shows, including NCIS New Orleans. He can be seen in a couple of frames here.
  • His least favorite Game of Thrones character is Arya Stark
  • A recent facebook post by Galen specifics several serious injuries of his, including: spinal injury, pinched nerves, bone bruise on his leg, dental pain, and hurt butt. He is scheduled to have dental surgery.


    A journey into Galen's mind.

  • Apparently, he liked Joshua Feuerstein's Facebook page. Probably because it's comedic gold. 
  • He claims that Dusty Smith is a racist who thinks black people are genetically inferior. 
  • As much as he hates Dusty, he also accurately thinks Jaclyn is even dumber. 
  • He once helped He-Man defeat Skeletor by talking for 3 hours straight.
  • He hates Thunderf00t with a fiery passion.
  • He predicted the plot of The Dark Knight after seeing Batman Begins or something (yeah right).



TJ Kirk: "What detestable fuckwits who delete their own viewpoints the second they are challenged."
Galen Hallcyon: "I've never been one to do such. I'm always challenging everyone. "
— TJ and Galen over Twitter.
"It's just there in the air."
—Galen's quote of the Insane Clown Posse.
"The Phelps family are very nice people."
―Galen on Westboro Baptist Church in Episode 18.[src]
"He should fuck his daughter with a Mexican cock."
—Galen when asked about Donald Trump.
"Go murder the toilet with your big ass."
—Galen instructing a shitfaced TJ to go the bathroom.
"An actual philosopher has no friends."
―Galen on Twitter, while forgetting about Socrates.[src]


  • A younger Galen with a skinhead TJ.
  • Galen in the flesh.
  • Galen back in the old west. You can tell because of the sepia tone
  • Galen after being tracked down by Mid-2000s DP fans due to Episode 69
  • Galen got rekt on NCIS
  • Galen's girlfriend is a green martian
  • NCIS "behind the scenes"

Pussy Crusher Hallcyon Are you PC Bro?


External Links


  1. Profile description

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