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Gail Chord Schuler

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THIS JUST IN: Gail's son made a shocking video describing his mother's fantasy world. Click here to see.

"Lord, why'd you let that dog bite me?""
—Gail Chord Schuler

Gail Chord Schuler is an accomplished novelist, screenwriter, YouTuber and bangin' slice of ass who goes by her screen name Gabrielle Chana. She is the dream bitch of all the men on the Church of Gail. She owns two spaceships that she for some reason never rides on, although her men do ride it.

Description

Gail has written several books full of strange silly and unintentionally hilarious stuff and is mostly Brent Spiner fanfiction. Some of these books are children's books, one read on the Drunken Peasants describes Brent raping a cat named Spot.

Gail's arch enemy is the Jesuit Order and its leader, Zack Knight. The dP uses its small influence to subliminally recruit more Jesuits to further the goal of world domination. Gail is notorious for publishing videos in which she gives blowjobs to random DP fans.

It should be noted that she is strangely jovial for someone who believes that a secret society is constantly watching her and raping her men.

On Drunken Peasants

This is easily the most one-sided "feud" that has occurred on the Drunken Peasants. It has mainly consisted of the Peasants responding to videos from Gail Chord Schuler. God knows if Gail is even sane enough to know that the Drunken Peasants exist.

Gail herself has been quoted to have been stalking Brent Spiner, a celebrity who played Commander Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation for 20 years. Her obsession with this man, and many more characters such as "Jesus Christ" and "Vladimir Putin" have caused her to preach her word about the enemy Jesuits, controlled by Zack Knight.

Gail owns a Star Trek like ship known as "The Church of Gail" where she has many shenanigans ranging from malware causing everyone's peni to fall off, to sentient tacos and burritos.

Many fans have attempted to convince Gail that TJ is actually Zack Knight, her arch nemesis, and TJ himself has confessed that he himself IS Zack Knight.

Gail was proven to be complete racist in Episode 131, after reading off a message sent from her black lover Terrance Jenkins as if he was some sort of post-slavery "massa, massa" Uncle Tom. Although this may also be on account of the person pretending to Terrance over Skype talking in such a manner.

The Church of Gail

ChurchofGail

The Church of Gail.

The Church of Gail is a spaceship orbiting the Earth. Its crew is comprised of several famous men who are the suitors of Gail Chord Schuler, who for some reason is not on the spaceship with them. They are on the ship to evade Jesuit antics, which are the schemes of Jesuit leader Zack Knight. The crew of the Church include Brent Spiner, Vladimir Putin, Keanu Reeves, and Matthew McConaughey.

It has been reported that the Church of Gail merely escaped destruction after being chased by a sentient taco and a sentient burrito through the center of the Sun. Despite only being ONE BEAN away from destruction, the C.O.G. escaped when the taco and burrito became crispy and delicious before the Church was destroyed. The mechanism by which the taco and burrito became sentient and developed destructive capabilities are still not fully understood.

It has been revealed that the Jesuits, the Church of Gail, and even Schuler herself were all contrivances of TJ. TJ had orchestrated, and continues to orchestrate, the saga of the Church of Gail under the pseudonym of Zack Knight. Still, some people are audacious enough to make the absurd claim that Gail is mentally ill.

Jesus, the Eternal Bridegroom

Jesus: The Eternal Bridegroom is a book by Gail Chord Schuler. It is a testament to how far off the deep end brilliant and heavenly Gail really is. It is available on Amazon in digital form. The book is going to include such wonderful characters such as Brent Spiner, Satan, and Bubba the Black Jesuit. Jesus Christ is going to narrate the audiobook. How that would happen is unknown, because she believes Jesus is in heaven. But she will assuredly find a way.

Gail's Men

Gail claims to have many men who are in love with her on her marriage list. These men are prohibited to have sex with any woman other than Gail, however they can use specialized Gail Sex Dummies to fulfill their sexual needs. Known men on Gail´s marriage list include (in descending order of importance):

  • Brent Spiner
  • Vladimir Putin
  • Matthew McConaughey
  • Gerard Butler
  • Hugh Jackman
  • Terrance 'TerRance' Jenkins
  • Keith Morgan
  • Edward Prendergast
  • Tony Blair
  • Hu Jintao
  • Will Smith
  • David Hasselhof
  • Sean Connery
  • Robert Pattison
  • Chuck Norris
  • Jude Law
  • Tommy Lee Jones
  • Pierce Brosnan
  • Keanu 'Keyanyo' Reeves
  • Jim Carrey
  • Johnny Depp
  • 50 Cent
  • Orlando Bloom
  • Tony Stark
  • Sam Barbary
  • Robin Williams
  • Jason Momoa
  • Optimus Prime
  • David Duchovny
  • Nicolas Cage
  • Carl Sagan
  • Hugh Laurie
  • Zac Efron
  • Kim Jong-Il
  • John Cena
  • Waldo
  • Ben

Quotes

  • "There is sex in heaven, great sex, Jesus tells me."
  • "If God is such a cockblocker, why did he approve of David's many wives?"
  • "Lick my butthole."

Trivia

Cog
  • According to Gail, she was once married to an abusive Jesuit.
  • According to Gail, Sara Avery (a gluttonous giantess that threatens to consume the universe as we know it), is so fat that she "takes selfies with google earth".
  • She has a son, Erich Schuler.
  • It is rumored that she had another son with Vladimir Putin, their offspring was indoctrinated to atheism by TJ.
  • She discovered the Nukkake, the most dangerous weapon known to man.
  • There was a wiki dedicated to her called Crazy Gail Wiki. The Church of Gail has talked about suing them of defamation. Their wiki has actually since been infected by malware and is unreadable, likely making the DP Wiki her starship's next target,
  • Gail thinks the word "bodacious" has negative connotations. She probably misunderstood the use of the term during her viewing of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
  • Gail is aware of her other-worldly beauty, but is modest enough not to pride herself on it.
  • Gail has wrote a children's book about the time Brent Spiner was repeatedly anally-raped by Laurie McBride as well as numerous zoo animals. Part of it was featured on Episode 122.
  • All of her men end up getting raped repeatedly.
  • Gail has recorded several nude videos for her men, one of which was glimpsed during a Drunken Peasants private show.
  • The official motto of the Church of Gail is "Hopping. Popping. Skip-skopping. Nigga."
  • The Church is part of a liberal propaganda network.
  • Jesuits are actually great people and the Illuminati is a red cross-like organisation.
  • Gail is ranked the 3rd sexiest female on DP on the wiki's top ten. No doubt it's the actions of the Jesuits that are preventing Gail from obtaining her rightful place at the top.
  • Gail is one of only a handful of people to have won two nobel prizes. Her first prize was in literature, her second prize was for physical fitness. Jesuits have prevented Gail from actually receiving her awards.
  • Robin Williams was murdered by Jesuits for trying to marry Gail. At the time of his death he was actually in possession of an engagement ring valued at two-billion dollars.
  • She thinks her videos are boring.
  • A poll conducted over the month of August found that the majority of people would sustain themselves with Gail's love if trapped on the dessert island.
  • A pornographic game based on her books started production since 2003. however Jesuits have stopped the game from being reached to the public. However another game series came out called the Eden series actually did come out also based on her works (featuring Jesuit Brent Spiner raping Gails female sex army).
  • Gail is the Empress of America, however the Jesuits are attempting to undermine her conspiracy law with the appointment of a puppet dictator in the 2016 Presidential Election. However, she supports Shillary Clinton due to Clinton's support of her laws to execute Jesuits.
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Gallery

Appearances

External Links

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