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Fan Conspiracies

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"It's a conspiracy. It's a conspiracy!"
TJ Kirk
The following is a collection of conspiracies regarding the Drunken Peasants and the people they interact with in their shows.

Scotty Has Been Infected

Scotty has a Canadian girlfriend. He spends a lot of time with her. However, as we know, he hates Canada. There is no reason for him to hate the country. There may be an internal struggle within himself as he's been infected by Canadiaism, given by Monica. He's still in process of being converted to a Canadian. We will be able to observe when he's been fully infected when he apologizes many times and says "Eh?".

Notice: This conspiracy theory has been confirmed to be true in Episode 120!

Scotty loves canada

Satan is a Bad Wingman

So we all know The Beast is a sexy individual. Why doesn't he get any chicks?

Because Satan is a bad wingman.

Think about it. The Beast is Canadian, which means he's a godless individual. Know what godlessness attracts? The devil. As we all know, Satan's pretty cool, so he wouldn't try to harm The Beast. But, still, The Beast isn't getting any chicks.

So here's what I propose. Satan offered to help get The Beast a date, but he's a bad wingman. Satan attracts promiscuous women wherever he goes, as we all know embracing one's sexuality is satanic. This drags women away from The Beast.

George Carlin Theory

Some theorize that gTime Johnny is actually George Carlin. According to this theory, George Carlin did not die in 2008, but faked his death, changed his name, and went to live in the wilderness. After years of isolation, his insanity grew and he now believes the hippy dippy weatherman is his true persona.

G Man Theory

Some theorize that G Man is in fact, not of African descent, rather, he is just so dense that light bends around him, making him appear black.

Why The Podcast Has Been Having Technical Difficulties

19h50lhyt0e3jjpg

Solar flares? Incompetence? Ben's epilepsy? DDOSing? Malevolent Owl deity?

None of the above, assholes.

We all know that Ben fully records the shows and uploads them in their entirety, plus pre/post show, to iTunes, and the other podcast service I don't care about.

We also all know that there's no draw in those pre/post shows. I haven't heard any, but I can only assume it's just the sounds of TJ's heavy breathing + deep, wet, mouth noises.

So Ben, desperate for a hook, has deliberately sabotaged the live show, leaving mysterious and intriguing gaps in the action. Then he assures us that we can find it all...

ON ITUNES AND PODBEAN

Ben, you filthy wench! Why would you do this to your live viewers? I've come to expect this level of chicanery from your successors, those Liquored-up Dumbfucks (or whatever they call themselves). But not from you!

That mask hides more than just beautiful eyes. There's a monster behind it. I CAN see you!

This was taken from a post[1] on the Drunken Peasants Reddit, for the most part.

Dogs' Eternal Fate

Only a few dogs go to Heaven, while the rest go to Hell, according to Creationist Cat.[2] We can make an assumption from this that God is most likely not a dog-lover, or CC has a prejudice against dogs, thinking most are sinister. This second option is the most plausible, as CC is a cat supremacist.[3][4][5] Then again, he has a direct contact with the lord, so it comes down to deciding whether CC chooses prejudice over knowledge.

Atlantic City

Atlantic City is a mysterious place where the Drunken Peasants allegedly did some shit. They don't want anyone to talk about it[6], and it's been a fan conspiracy since it was first brought up. It was admitted in one of the first pre-shows that it's something made up to screw with the audience.

gTime Johnny and Gail siring TJ

According to a deeply enlightened denizen of the DP Live Chat, gTime Johnny, and Gail married and had TJ in 2585. After this Jenny went back in time and dropped TJ off in the 90s where TJ would grow up in a land of Third Rock From The Sun and when Brent Spiner fell in love with Gail, much to the dismay of devout Jesuit Satanist, Loree McBride.

Why Creationist Cat and Vadim Newquist Sound Similar

God is lazy. He rested on the seventh day and instead of creating Eve from scratch, he cloned Adam (from the rib) and genetically modified the clone into a woman. Thus, God was too lazy to give CC his own voice and just copied Vadim's voice and altered it a little.

It makes total sense, you guys. Even if God technically hates lazy people, he can be lazy himself as he is allowed to ignore his own rules.

Joshua Feuerstein is a Terminator

This theory goes that Josh is actually a T-2000 sent backwards in time by Skynet, whereupon arrival he would send out false information across the Internet in order to dumb down humanity. Scientists would be immune from this due to their already established knowledge, ensuring that Skynet would be developed.

He would also spread fear among Americans in order to get them to purchase more firearms which would enable Skynet to have a plentiful and easily accessible source of weaponry after the events of Judgement Day have all but annihilate military bases across the globe.

Grendel is a Reincarnation

It is theorized that Grendel is a reincarnation of TJ. According to this theory, Grendel lives to serve himself in his past life.

Armored Skeptic is the Vigilant Christian

They do sound pretty similar.

The Vigilant Christian is secretly a Brachiosaurus

Mario-brisson-2

Coincidence? I think not!

It explains his long neck and stupidity.

Vegan Gains and Repzion are the same person

They are never on DP at the same time. They agreed to do a debate on episode 190 and Vegan Gains didn't show up, then they agreed to do reschedule on 194 and Repzion didn't show up. This is so fucking blatant that those who don't accept this are in denial.

References

  1. https://archive.is/CzRxh
  2. http://tweetsave.com/creationistcat/status/526041266652725249
  3. http://tweetsave.com/creationistcat/status/602712169466167296
  4. http://tweetsave.com/creationistcat/status/576079437747212288
  5. http://tweetsave.com/creationistcat/status/575309065926144000
  6. https://youtu.be/EanxI7Pbiws?t=22m22s

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