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Episode 165

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Paul's Ego: "I'm the one doing the fucking in society!"
TJ Kirk: "Yeah, me too!"
— Paul and TJ are revealed as part of The Patriarchy.
Episode 165 is an episode of the Drunken Peasants Podcast. It took 5 attempts to get the episode going. Finally, TJ (the garbage that he is) got the show up and running on Sunday, October 18th.

Highlights

Videos Played

  1. The Drunken Peasants in Group Therapy (Inside Joke)
  2. In Defense of Furries.
  3. Atheists Threaten Christian Brett Keane - TheAmazingAtheist Drunken Peasants
  4. Jdub talks about Brett Keane's false flagging habits (Mirror)
  5. joejinkyvideo - Do not believe the sock puppets!
  6. The Key to Unlocking Success with NoFap
  7. Mansplaining & 5 Ways to Deal with a Mansplainer — Mansplain Me This!
  8. With a gun to your head ... would you say
  9. There Are More Gays & Atheists In Heaven Than Hateful Religious People
  10. American Jesuit Military Terrorism: Murder of Russian Sailors (KURSK)
  11. Hipster Feuerstein On Gun Control (not found)
  12. Racism Test - See How Racist You Really Are!
  13. FERGUSON SLAM POEM: Dear White Feminists, From a White Feminist
  14. Pat Robertson Struggles To Explain Why He's Needed Surgery If Faith Is Enough To Heal Anybody
  15. Mountain Man Found Guilty - THE LIVING MAN

Start Of The Show

The show started with some lame ass animated video that pales in comparison to the masterpiece known as the DP: The Animated Series. After the intro, TJ explained that Ben sold his soul to Satan in order to get the stream working. Paul also went on and explained how he joined ISIS.

They moved on to the Troll or Not a Troll segment where they played a video of a furry apologist. They labeled him as a troll.

Then they moved on to a video from Butt Cream that started out with a video of FakeSagan and an edited video of TJ. Brett Keane then started confusing a google hangout with a podcast and used that as proof that TJ is a coward.

They then played an audio clip of an anonymous individual telling TJ how he is gonna get raped in the ass by the Butt King. (The DP can neither confirm nor deny the individual is Brett Keane). They then moved on to an audio clip of CheDubs who talked about how Brett Keane was being a false flagging piece of shit. Then they played audio from a call from someone who fooled Brett into thinking he actually has a fan.

PrincelessScreencap

Don't fap!

Next up was a video about Fox News supposedly being a far left communist-liberal organization trying to destroy America. The Fox News segment within the video was discussing common "myths" about gun control. The video's creator expressed great distaste in the possibility of people illegally purchasing guns from Bubba The Black Jesuit.

Next up was a video from the No-Fap Movement (we aren't kidding). The video was about how you can be successful by not masturbating. Paul suggested he gets so much pussy he doesn't have to jerk off. The peasants concluded he was boring as fuck and couldn't get to the point.

Middle Of The Show

The next video was about... mansplaining, and how to deal with mansplainers. The peasants almost died because it took her forever to get to the video proper. One of her options was to ignore it (perhaps the only reasonable approach given in this video.) TJ explained the concept of mansplaining, when a man tries to explain something to a woman and she doesn't agree. She gave a ton of other shitty suggestions which once again nearly brought DP to the brink of possibly an epiphany, but likely something far worse. Fucking Magneto, how does he work?

MoronsteinAtGunpoint

Darth Josh - Lord of the Douche

Next on the chopping block was a Josh Moronstein video. The video asked atheists if they would stay to their beliefs if they had a gun to your head, the peasants agreed they would obviously not hold to it. The video gave us a timeless screenshot of Josh at gunpoint. Paul commented Josh represents everything wrong in America and how he was trying to solicit money over the tragedy of someone else.

They then played a video by our God, Evan Lefavor. He talks about how there are more gays and atheists in heaven than hateful Christians. The peasants digressed to PaulsEgo being recently booted from a hangout hosted by G Man and mentioned JF challenging G Man to a rap battle.

They played a Gail video and Paul mentioned that he dreams to be one of her men. Ben gave Paul the rules and conditions and how they can only have brain-to-brain on occasion and Paul will often have to settle for a Gail sex robot. The fan video, Paul Visits Nature is revealed to have gotten him off for several weeks. Paul recites Shakespeare to romance Gail. Gail talks about Vladimir Putin's plan to expand Russia's military in the name of Gail, which could potentially throw us into World War 3. The peasants discussed the difference between sex with Gail and gTime Johnny. Gail suspects that Bill Clinton was spying on her in the early 90's and Ben did his impression at the behest of TJ.

Next up was a video by the hipster version of Josh Moronstein about what else but gun control. TJ briefly discusses a "sermon" he wants to read on DP eventually. They moved on into the White Guilt Segment.

The first video was a weird ass animation that even TJ couldn't comprehend. TJ decides to take the acclaimed racism test in the video. He presented an argument about white people all looking the same. They responded to the video rather bluntly, despite it seemingly being a humorous take on the subject. The creator of the video looked like a fucking pellican. Scotty demanded his two minutes back. The next video was about a white feminist talking to white feminists about what a white feminist shouldn't do. It was just more retarded white feminist slam poetry that only a white feminist could come up with. Did we mention white feminists? White feminists. TJ talked about how feminism is trying to devour every other ideology, but Paul brought up how it is likewise eating itself. She was so stupid that TJ was forced to defend the police.

End Of The Show

They moved into a Pat Robertson segment about why he uses modern day medicine today instead of just asking God to solve it. He tried to stretch by saying that those people and their practices are an extension of God's will and his argument fell apart. The peasants discussed his blatant hypocrisy compared to statements in the past.

The next video involved an awesome pirate looking motherfucker comparable to living neanderthal by the name of The Living Man. He gave the most absurd self-representation in all of court history. Paul claimed that if he ever got off it scott free that he would leave his life and go to live with gTime Johnny in the forests. Unfortunately he ended up pissing off the judge and got arrested.

The peasants then move onto Crazy Craigslist Ads.

  1. First was an Irish-Native American read by Paul in his True Scotsman voice. The ad was clearly written by Paul.
  2. Second was a classy Italian ad, read by Ben. Some guy in Rome claims to have built a glory hole in their home. Unfortunately he didn't like cum.
  3. Third was another Italian ad read by TJ in Mario's voice (not of the Vigilant Christian variety.) His accent slowly evolved into that of a Japanese guy.
  4. Fourth was... another fucking Italian! He describes himself as nothing more than a real fag. The peasants nearly died of laughter and couldn't do the whole ad.
  5. Paul almost died but returned to the show in time for the next ad. It was a German guy looking for "hot boys" in Berlin. The ad was actually written by The Living Man.
  6. They showed another ad for a private glory hole made out of cardboard read by TJ like a fat guy.
  7. Next was an ad consisting of 50% smiley faces read by Scotty suffering from tourettes.
StoryTimeWPaul

Storytime with Paul.

They moved into Storytime with Paul, although he had to take a short break. TJ instead told a story about one time he fucked Paul and discovered his secret fetish and shrine for Scrappy Doo.

Paul returned and discussed a story he remembered recently while smoking some pan. The story involved a band he was in during his youth, some of which were re uploaded to Soundcloud. Paul basically explained the song was dissing Marilyn Manson and they played the song in question, written and improvised live by Paul at age 14.

Next, to play us out. A final song from PaulsEgo as a teenager all about black dildos. The peasants compared it to Sex Twister.

Quotes

  • "Maybe Brett is a homunculus of a human and a manatee." - TJ confusing a Chimera with a man-made human.
  • "I think he's going to jump into a volcano." - Scotty's theory on Keane's ultimate demise.
  • "Scotty looks at it from the Jew perspective, there." - TJ on Scotty's take on used guns.
  • "The Blue Balls Brigade." - TJ on the No-Fap Movement.
  • "It exists in my pants." - TJ reveals the truth about The Patriarchy.
  • "Dude, I would defile a Gail robot." - PaulsEgo.
  • "Who needs that dead bitch? Now I got Gail!" - Vladimir Putin.
  • "When in Rome... stick your dick in a glory hole." - TJ during the ad.
  • "Stick your dick in there and I'll suck it for ya." - PaulsEgo behind a cardboard box.
  • "I was just basically his little Scrappy Doo that night." - TJ's story.
  • "Masturbating with turtles. I think i'm gonna shit on the audience again!" - Young Paul's Ego.
  • "Whip it out and stroke it, and suck it down!" - Young Paul.
  • "Leather dildo, it's limp!" - Paul from his second song.

Trivia

  • TJ was waiting and hoping for The Depressed Paul Show. This is because Paul was feeling like shit on Friday.
  • Paul suggests that Keane kill himself on video and sell it live on Pay-Per-View, The Final Situation.
  • Paul is the King of overblown yet interesting analogies.
  • Paul also likes SJWs with pink, purple, or red hair, as it points out who he can avoid.
  • TJ was being so offensive that Scotty suggested he step down from his role on DP, allowing Kaiser Scotty to become the one true lord of double penetration.
  • TJ is Godzooky. Ben is Jet Jaguar. Brett Keane is The Smog Monster.
  • TJ wishes he lived in the Stoned Age.
  • TJ has had a gun pointed at him over three times.
  • Paul developed a fetish for ants up his asshole.
  • White feminist. White feminist. White feminist.
  • Paul was a supporter of Occupy Wall Street, but ditched it after SJWs took over.
  • Scotty is the boy bitch now.
  • Paul was once in a band, Apple Nasty.

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