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"Then I'd kick him in the balls... they're low hangers I hear."
—TJ Kirk on JF
Episode 157 is an episode of Drunken Peasants. It features the third appearance of Creationist Cat as a guest. It featured a new overlay for the podcast.

Highlights

Videos Played

  1. Winning the Culture War for Conservatives
  2. "The Five" Gets Heated: Geraldo Explodes at Bolling ‘You Said That to Make Me Look Stupid
  3. Megyn Kelly to Kim Davis: Your Critics Ask, 'Who Are You to Judge Others?'
  4. Pope Meets Obama (not found)
  5. Fathers Featured in Viral Videos Face Off Over Gender-Appropriate Toys
  6. Burrito Perfect As Seen On TV Commercial Buy Burrito Perfect As Seen On TV Burrito Maker
  7. Eggies
  8. Flashion Flowers As Seen On TV Commercial Buy Flashion Flowers As Seen On TV LED Flower Headbands
  9. Brow Perfect As Seen On TV Commercial Buy Brow Perfect As Seen On TV Eye Brow Shaping Tool
  10. Paper Bling As Seen On TV Commercial Buy Paper Bling As Seen On TV Paper Jewelry
  11. Third Date!

Start Of The Show

The show started off with Scotty concluding that TJ is still garbage after 156 episodes. They then showed their new shilling intro before selling their shitty top-quality T-Shirts. The peasants announce their new line of assless chaps and the beginning of the new Drunken Peasants website.

They brought 3 guest on the show Vadim Newquist, J.F. Gariepy, and Paul's Ego. JF was not brought on the show immediately. They discussed the origin of Vadim's name. Scotty then threw out a conspiracy theory that CC is secretly controlled by Vadim.

ShillOrNotAShill

All about the Benjamins.

They then went on to beat a dead kangaroo by talking about the Roo's latest attempt trying to "own" Vadim. JF appeared on the show and gave his take on the situation, but stated that it wouldn't be right for him talk about AiU. Paul tries to explain why Roo is a special idiot case and Vadim then claims this will probably be his last public response on the issue. They discuss the newest strike against AiU's channel that was filed by the Canadian Atheist for uploading one of his videos with no modification or commentary. Vadim says AIU deserves it as he steals videos frequently, as he did with Tim Black's video. JF challenges G Man to a battle rap. They then boot Vadim off the podcast for being a slavic piece of shit.

They go into more detail about JF's plans to battle rap G Man and Paul shows off his amazing rap skills. TJ suggests a possible battle rap tournament. CC then appears on the podcast and TJ threatens to fry him and eat him for dinner. The cat then calls out Scotty for his bullshit and suggests that Scotty Cena usurp him as the third host. It is revealed that Scotty brutally murdered Scotty Cena and got away with it because of police corruption. TJ and CC discuss their upcoming collaboration which will finally bring TJ to the peak of his career. PaulsEgo reveals that he is but a mere vessel of The True Scotsman and TJ comments on his plans to make a shirt of it.

OoohFeckYeaaah

The best part of the podcast.

They then go into a Troll or Not a Troll video. The video is about a chick with huge tits balancing a scimitar on her head, who happens to be a conservative and a belly dancer. Unsurprisingly, she's a Canadian as well.

The next video was about a Fox News reporter who discusses a bunch of A-rabs calling for the death of America. However, the peasants discuss that this isn't necessarily in a literal sense. The Fox news reporters of course blow it way out of proportion and blame Obama as they love to do. JF says he likes Fox News because he knows to expect the bullshit and that they're actually entertaining because they can just make up the news. JF then delves deeper in his take on journalism. Creationist Cat thinks that all the money going to fun science would be better put at use buying cat treats and cat nip.

They then played a video of Megyn Kelley interviewing Kim Davis. It was basically just a big conservative circle jerk. Paul and JF comment that her rights end at being able to protest the topic and she shouldn't have the ability to legally deny homosexuals' their marriage license.

Middle Of The Show

They then played a video on Republican presidential candidates meeting Pope Francis and his visit to the White House. TJ then suddenly died of AIDS so the peasants had to take a break to smoke some pan and revive him. The classic Berserkyd soundtrack is played, confirming the pan smoking.

They returned and discussed Howard Bloom's appearance on the podcast and his claim to do over a thousand push-ups in a row. They moved onto a video about Josh Moronstein's appearance on a syndicated talk show called The Doctors. JF gives his take disagreeing with the extreme left about removing gender from society because it can in some ways be positive. Paul discusses how he feels the whole issue is a read herring, citing that in department stores, toys for girls and boys are still largely separate.

End Of The Show

They then moved on to some Crazy Craigslist Ads segment:

  1. The first ad was for a live "suck/fuck party" read by TJ in the style of a death metal singer.
  2. Second was an ad asking by some Marilyn Manson bottom asking a stranger to feed them "their load." The ad was read by Creationist Cat.
  3. Third was an ad looking for a 400+ pound man read aloud by Ben.
  4. Fourth was an ad read in Paul's Satan voice. The ad was offering to be a stand-in for your wife, it was clearly created by Butt King. He even promises not to attack your family.
  5. Fifth was an ad probably written by JF and fittingly voiced by him. It was for a straight dom master "nice big long hangers" looking for some slaves. In Paul's mind, CC's balls smell like Fancy Feast and kitty litter. Ben's balls are vinegary, like the first whiff of some salt and vinegar chips. Scotty's balls just smell like vagina. TJ's balls are incredibly spicy. TJ reveals that his balls actually smell like pure MSG.
  6. Sixth was guy looking to shove Dragon Balls up a woman's ass and twat.

Next up was the Stupid Ads segment, which started with the ghost of Billy Mays invading Ben's computer:

  1. The first ad was for people that can't fold a burrito. Paul anticlimactically reveals he has small fingers. JF said he wouldn't pay anything for it. Paul guessed the right price and declared himself the Burrito King.
  2. The second ad was for people too stupid to boil an egg, notice a running theme here? JF called it an insult to cuisine. JF mentioned he would be starting a YouTube cooking show.
  3. Third was an ad interrupted by The True Scotsman. The ad was actually revealed to be a wannabe crown of thorns. Ben guessed the right price but it's only because #BenLooked.
  4. Fourth was a switchblade... but for your eyebrows! Paul commented that he couldn't even the notice between before and after.

They then played a segment from a low-budget cable dating show featuring CC's human slave, Vadim. TJ thought Vadim looked just like a stereotypical rapist. Paul said he would literally kill a human being for some canned cheese. TJ reveals that if he was on a space station looking down on the Earth, he would blow up the whole Earth for even a little bit. Paul reveals that he would damn all of humanity for eternity for some cheese.

TJ tries to get JF to tell him how to call Scotty the egg bitch in French. Ben reveals that he'll be doing a collaboration with PaulsEgo. They decided to finish up the show with one of Paul's famous stories. He described a field trip he had as a child in which his father chaperoned. His father had once unleashed a fart comparable to the world's fattest man unleashing a trumpet blast. TJ then had a story of his own about farts where he released a demon from his ass. Paul told a story about shitting his pants. CC even gave a story about farts where Vadim called a woman a pig. They wrapped up the show and Ben said KaceyTron would be on the next episode.

Quotes

  • "You got any other stories for us, comrade?" - Paul introduces himself to Vadim.
  • "Cats were 'totally mentioned in the Bible." - CC corrects TJ's bullshit.
  • "I think this guy needs to take his freakin' turban and go back to Islamistan!" - CC being a horrible, horrible racist.
  • "Tomorrow [Earth] is going to be a dodecahedron" - CC's explains why he doesn't believe science
  • "I'm the burrito king! I can do anything!" - Paul suffering from tourettes.
  • "The eye brows could be so big it could actually obstruct the act of sex." - JF's iconic quote
  • "You're not marrying the eyebrow!" - TJ responds to JF.
  • "Eat a fucking cock in hell you son of a bitch" - TJ to Scotty.
  • "Shacks the man meat a little bit..." - PaulsEgo

Trivia

  • Vadim is actually a Communist Russian name. However, he has no Russian blood. His last name however is Swedish.
  • Vadim admits that Atheist Roo is a talented editor, too bad he's dense as fuck.
  • DP has officially wasted over thirty minutes of JF's life.
  • Cats were mentioned in the Bible.
  • The police force are in Scotty's pocket.
  • Creationist Cat has a nasty cocaine habit, according to Scotty.
  • CC's muslim counterpart is a goat.
  • Paul smokes catnip.
  • CC jerks off to Grace Jones.
  • Scotty's new rap name is Egg Dog.
AtheistRooSaga The Atheist Roo Saga
RooKKK
Disputers

Jaclyn GlennDrunken Peasants PodcastCreationist CatVadim NewquistTim BlackG Man

Episodes

125127151152155157198199

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