- "As soon as I saw Wild Bill's ten gallon hat, I dropped a ten gallon load in my pants."
- —Paul's conclusion on Wild Bill.
- Donald Trump dominates Republican debate.
- Hitler wasn't a true Christian!
- Mexicans are finally revealed to all be rapists and murders.
- Stupid ads segment.
- Paul's second anus.
- Crazy CraigsList ads.
- Kaiser Scotty
- Clips of Donald Trump from the Republican debate (not found)
- Hitler was a Christian DEBUNKED !!! Most Ridiculous Claim EVER!
- The Result of Illegal Immigration
- Teaching Is NOT a Real Job
Start Of The Show
Scotty finally becomes the true Kaiser of DP and discusses his campaign plan to unite Alaska with the continental United States. They shilled their stuff and discussed future guests on the show. They then got Kyle into the call with shitty audio but the peasants managed to fix it. They then got Paul on the show and introduced him to Kyle as a devoted Donald Trump supporter. Paul suggested that the peasants nail Kyle down
and molest him.
They return to the video and tear Jeb Bush a new asshole. They discuss the Republicans' laughable perma-boner for Ronald Reagan who they would probably disagree with on many issues. Paul comments that his favorite part of the debate was the opening statements and how Trump's seemed completely unrehearsed. Trump totally disses Rand Paul and claims that he shouldn't even be on the stage because he's so unpopular.They then play a short clip about John McCain actually being amicable with Obama but point out he can't even do that without coming off as biased.
They played a video about Obama's joke at the White House correspondents dinner about him being born in Africa and how Trumps was the only one not laughing. They also discuss how atheists poll lower than Muslims in how much the average American puts their trust into them. Paul does his Butt King impression to try and prove atheism is evil. The video then discusses Obama being attacked by conservatives on Twitter and the video cuts to black on a cliffhanger.
Middle Of The Show
They then began the crazy people segment. The first was a Vigilant Christian video "debunking" the idea that Hitler was a true follower of Christ. Paul then does his true Scotsman voice and the entire audience creams their pants. Kyle describes how many of Hitler's atrocities were clearly based out of indoctrination from Christianity. Paul then goes full Scotsman with music and all. They return to the video and Mario claims that it's IMPOSSIBLE for a Christian to do anything so horrible. TJ comments that TVC is only popular because he tries to find Illuminati in literally anything he watches on TV and in movies. Mario then tries to argue with fucking dictionary definition of Christianity.Next up is a video by one of Paul's most hated YouTubers, the video being him trying to accuse all Mexicans of being child molesters, rapists and murders with the flawless logic of using statistics from an all Hispanic community. Paul follows it up with another Trump impression saying his wall is the only hope for America. Kyle Kulinski tries to feel the white guilt and TJ insults every white dick in existence.
Next up was a video by one of TJ's "favorite people" who claims being a teacher isn't a real job. He then talks about how schools shouldn't receive public funding and the parents should take care of their own children, because that's totally a way to raise an intelligent generation of kids. The guy in question reads a fan question and claims his fan is pussy who shouldn't try to influence any students (unless it's his bullshit beliefs of course.)
They moved in a Mild Jill video about how American freedom is in danger due to corrupt judges. He talks about the judge who put the infamous Kim Davis into jail for exercising her first amendment right to be a major cunt. Because of some minor technical issues they took a break.
End Of The Show
They return and TJ nearly busts a gasket trying to ask the fans to please give the video a thumbs up. They then return Kyle and Paul to the call and Ben expects a smoother experience. Paul talks about the joys of having a beard. Paul slyly calls TJ a piece of shit due to his lack of beard. Kyle briefly discusses how e-cigarettes helped him quite smoking.
They then went into stupid ads. The first ad was for stupid fucking pajamas you can draw on. The second ad was for a bed you zip up like a sleeping bag because Americans are fat and lazy fucks and it was sold at an incredibly inflated price. The third was for a curling iron alternative that uses airs to style your hair. Paul then did a solid impression of Shaggy and Scooby.
The fourth ad was for a knife that filates pineapples. Ben then goes on a tangent about his gambling technique and how he ultimately thinks TJ is a real asshole for bragging but goes on to brag for himself. The fifth ad was for a lame irl Minecraft ripoff which is basically just shittier legos. The sixth ad was for a glorified corset and the peasants complained it was a fucking disaster but the fans still jerked off the commercial. The peasants commented that if Paul wore one it would look like two muffins on top of each other. They went on a side tangent about Laci Green flagging her video and Anita Sarkeesian being a scam artist.
They then followed up with the best thing possible, a story by PaulsEgo about how he found a third ass cheek and how there was an unidentified hole in his body (not his anus) made from dark matter. He said when he touched the swollen area, some type of black tar came out of it and got all over his bathroom. Kyle almost died from the cringe. Paul returned to the story and talked about how he ended up needing immediate surgery. Their solution was to kill it with fire and hope it heals from the inside-out. Paul claimed it took many years before his ass looked normal again.
They then read off Brett Keane's Patreon and the laughable perks. Paul suspects that Keane was stoned when he wrote the perks. They briefly read an article about Dutch prostitutes in America who were arrested in America simply for being hookers.
The peasants then move onto Crazy Craigslist Ads.
- The first ad was for a guy who had a fetish for Chick Fil A.
- The second was from Jesus Christ himself. Second was an ad read by Paul in his Satan-voice looking to sully someone's "sacred temple."
- Third was... for the biggest piece of shit they've covered in this segment yet, Kyle Kulinski nearly lost faith in humanity.
- Fourth was a troll ad for someone looking to foreplay as TJ with someone foreplaying as Atheist Roo.
- Fifth was for a guy looking to stab someone to stab him in the nuts.
- "What's wrong with you, TJ? Don't you support the boys when they go overseas?" - Paul's 1940s radio announcer impression.
- "He's basically Republican Jesus." - Ben's take on Ronald Reagan's public view by conservatives.
- "Pulled himself up by his bootstraps! He's a self-made man." - TJ's sarcastic take on Trump.
- "Donald Trump's pours are gonna like... swallow me up man." - TJ describes his psychedelic experience.
- "I have two words. Concentration. Camp." - A totally legit quote from Donald Trump.
- "Oh no. He's not arab! He's decent." - TJ's impression of a similar line spoken by John McCain
- "He molested me but oh god he kept doing this Carrot Top impression" - TJ Kirk, and no we aren't giving you any context.
- "I never attacked him on his looks and trust me there's plenty of subject matter there." - Donald Trump being downright savage against Rand Paul.
- "Go to your rooms and COLOR ON YOURSELF" - PaulsEgo
- "Your hair ain't gonna fix ugly, bitch" - TJ's take on the air-powered hair styler.
- We can't see Kyle Kulinski, proving he's secretly John Cena.
- Kyle Kulinski might shove a banana up his ass in a collaboration with TJ.
- Nancy Reagan was a saint.
- TJ once watched Donald Trump while high on acid.
- There was once rumors of George Bush having a gay bald guy fetish.
- Republicans get off to ISIS videos.
- The Vigilant Christian is afraid of Paul.
- Jared Fogle was framed. White people can't break the law, it's literally impossible.
- Existing while white is a serious crime.
- White people have way less cool names than the average Mexican. TJ wishes he could have such an epic last name.
- Trump-Libertarian Douche 2016.
- Ben can't grow a moustache to save his life.
- Ben looks just like a white Jackie Chan.
- TJ's giggle can cure cancer.
- Laci Green is officially the biggest cunt known to man. Sorry, Jenny.