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Episode 113

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Episode 113 is a Drunken Peasants episode.

Highlights

Videos Played and Articles Read

  1. Article on Atheist Ireland dissociating with PZ Myers
  2. G Time Johnny on Brain Cells
  3. Troll or Not A Troll: Holy Ghost Helps Man Speak to Animals.
  4. The Stupidity of Atheist Faggots
  5. Freddy Gray Death Confirmed Homicide
  6. Breakfast Club on GamerGate
  7. Man for the Constitution opposes the Constitution
  8. Josh Feuerstein On the gay marriage and Jesus
  9. Hillary Clinton Is Satanic
  10. San Francisco Jesuit Homosexual Compound
  11. The Ostrich Pillow
  12. The WOW Cup
  13. Money for Black People
  14. The Wubble Bubble Ball
  15. Chair Dancing Through The Decades
  16. My Little Warmers
  17. The No Spill Chill
  18. Jewel Views
  19. Zippy Straws

Start of the Show

As usual, the episode started off with TJ telling the fans about how to send in content for the show, ads for Amazon / Audible, and then into the main theme and intro of the show.

The hosts brought up the new IRC chat room which is vastly inferior to the wiki's intellectual chatroom. The IRC chat turned into shit shortly after they gave the shoutout. Shortly after the introduced the rather frequent patron guest of the show, Morte. The peasants read an article on the group Atheist Ireland giving PZ Myers the middle finger. The start of the show had a few technical issues.

DP replayed a fan video parodying Star Wars but with Drunken Peasants characters and audio. The peasants then followed up into a gTime Johnny video in which he sang a beautiful song about languages and "thinking from two classes of time."

Troll or not a Troll

Ben then played the episode's segment for Troll or Not a Troll about some guy trying to save a turtle with the power of Jesus instead of actually bringing him out to the fucking water. The dude claimed that God told him to help the turtle, so he does nothing to actually help it at all, all the peasants concluded that he was probably not a troll.

Middle of the Show

The peasants then went into a video from some conservative who doesn't like atheists because he think it's just a group of fags and dykes. The whole video was pretty much just a bunch of sophistry and not much else.

Ben then planned to play a video about a "satanic" 666 license plate, but he downloaded the wrong video and decided to just on move. Instead they played a video about Freddy Gray's death being ruled as a homicide, a story they discussed earlier in the show's careers as well. Some blasian chick gave a heated speech about the decision.

The peasants then dived head first into a shitty video by some guy who lives in a washing machine. The dude tried to rationalize and support Anita Sarkessian's actions during AnitaGate. DP refuted each and every one of the dude's boring ass points. He even claimed a business shouldn't be able to film things outside their own store, allowing burglars to rob them all with ease.

Next came a video about conservative congressman, Steve King. He thinks some people born in the US shouldn't be considered natural-born Americans just because their parents are from another country.

Out of nowhere a video of Josh Fuhrerstein appeared. He claimed that even though he doesn't hate gay people, he still thinks what their doing is unbiblical and that the LGBT community needs to stock "attacking" Christians. They then played a video about The Vigilant Christian himself reviewing a video by a Christian friend of his own, the video being about how Hillary Clinton is satanic. Morte then offered to blow Mario.

The bread and butter of the show came in the form of Gail Chord Schuler's dramatic reading of an erotic novel based on her adventures. She claimed that God had been a complete douchebag to Zack Knight and his [Jesuit Order]]. She read some priceless lines and Morte encouraged all the fans to pick up the book. Apparently Hugh Jackman was attacked by Jesuits and some black dude took a shit on him.

End of the Show

Stupid Ad Segment

The Peasants plugged the unofficial IRC chat room again and decided to get into the Stupid Ad segment. The first product showcased was a stupid wearable pillow that is intended to let you sleep anywhere called the "Ostrich Pillow", the peasants concluded it was pretty dumb looking shit.

The next product shown was called the "Wow Cup", but there's nothing wow about it at all because sippy cups already fucking exist, the peasants concluded it was an decent product but certainly nothing special.

The next ad was for a completely real website called MoneyForBlackPeople.com, which was pretty much just showcasing a bunch of stereotypes to make the most absurd commercial ever, it got TJ to ask where the equivalent site for white people was, only to realize white people never run out of money.

The next ad was about a kid's toy called the "Wubble Bubble Ball", TJ almost had a seizure halfway through the video and the peasants decided it seemed ok for young kids, but probably could fuck up some antiques, you can even kick the ball, wow.

Next on the table was a commercial for a guide about the hippie phenomenon sweeping the nation by the name of Chair-dancing. It's the stupidest shit you'll ever see in your life, it involves two paper plates that you shove up your ass.

Ben then planned to replay a commercial for the wearable towel, but they realized they had already played the ad in a past show. Ben instead played an add for the water bottle alternative known as as "My Little Warmer", it seemed okay but as usual the commercial tried to sell it as more than it actually was.

They got another repeat of the "ShowerNow" and "TV Hat." Before playing an original in the form of the alternative to traditional ice cube trays, the "No Spill Chill." The peasants concluded that is was actually pretty cool.

The penultimate ad was for a stupid fucking glasses alternative called Jewel Views that you have to hold up to even see anything, the gimmick is that its disguised as a shitty necklace so people don't have to realize that you, gasp, have poor vision.

The final ad was for a kid's toy called "Zippy Straws." Which basically makes a game out of getting your fucking nutrition. Scotty thought it was ok but the rest of the peasants though it was a pretty shitty idea.

Post-Show

The post-show was seven minutes long this time. The peasants talked about The Avengers 2: Age of Ultron. TJ brought up a logical inconsistency in the movie about Loki's staff. TJ repeated from his Amazing Atheist video that he thought it was only 80% good in terms of the original. The peasants thought the movie was too crowded and that the points of view should have been tightened up.

Quotes

  • "There are no strings on me, TJ." - Scotty in response to TJ pretending to be a puppeteer.
  • "There will be no shilling here on this show!" - TJ right before plugging the DP Patreon account.
  • "The scum rose to the top of the atheist movement." - PZ Myers shows he's jealous of more popular atheists.
  • "In your anger, TJ, you killed Ben." - Emperor Palpatine to TJ.
  • "Give every cell a brain, or you'll go insane." - gTime Johnny's rhetoric.
  • "Johnny, you drive people sane." - A friend of gTime Johnny.
  • "L is dead!" - TJ, spoiling some Animu bullshit
  • "In a world, where God doesn't exist..." - Scotty, narrating the beginning of a horror movie about atheism.
  • "You think god plays games? He doesn't play games." - The conservative douche from the start of the show.
  • "How about Monopoly?" - TJ's response.
  • "No fuckin' and no women!" - Ben discussing the Catholic Church's policies.
  • "If I wanted to kill her, then I'm the worst murderer ever." - Ben's response to AnitaGate.
  • "If I left the house in a pink thong or something..." - Something we could have gone our entire lives without hearing TJ say.
  • "Yeah, Anita. Gimme them ears, bitch!" - TJ's response to Ben's ear fetish.
  • "Yeah! That's what the world needs! When I look around the world, I'm like, 'man, know what this world really needs more of? Crazy fucking fringe lunatics spouting nonsense!'" - TJ's response to an insane ministry.
  • "You know what's really bad for America? Americans." - TJ's impression of Steve King.
  • "Home born terrorism, woohoo!" - Scotty
  • "It was Adam and Eve! Not Adam and Steve!" - Josh Moronstein resorts to the oldest fucking line in the book.
  • "The wubble bubble balls destroyed the towers." - TJ reveals the truth during the Stupid Ad Segment.
  • "I've seen the pictures of Mario, he's cute, I'd suck his dick" - Morte reveals he's a dirty bisexual.
  • "I was raped by knowledge, waaah!" - TJ pretending to be a conservative.
  • "They pulled down their pants and swung their penises at them." - Another line from Gail's priceless video.
  • "You've never had brain to brain sex with Gail." - Discussion of Gail's erotic readings.
  • "Come little girl, come suck on your mama's nipple!" - Another line from Gail's reading.
  • " 'Lick my butt hole!' he laughed" - No context needed.
  • "Balancing ice trays is as hard as walking a tight tightrope!" - The "No Spill Chill" ad.
  • "You see how they all stick their penises in us? Hahaha." - Gail falling into madness.

Trivia

  • Ben commented that gTime Johnny contacted and said he would like to be on the show, Ben said he would try to make it happen sometime soon. It happened.
  • TJ announced that the peasants would be making a "TJ is Garbage" shirt after their return from the trip to Europe. Ben also suggested a mug that has "TJ's tears" printed on it.
  • Morte revealed he was good with impressions this episode.
  • Gail confused herself for God in this video.
  • Hypotheses that DP has been getting their thumbnails from this wiki garnered even more validity with this episode.

Media

  • DP reading the Atheist Ireland article.
  • TVC and Morte in love.
  • The dude who lives in a washing machine.
  • DP watching the video on Steve King.
  • Gail gets DP'd.
  • The ad for the Wubble Bubble Ball.
  • DP does chairdancing.
  • More dancing in chairs!
  • "See? Even your stupid ass can't fuck this up." - TJ's impression of an infomercial pitchman
TheVigilantChristianSaga The Vigilant Christian Saga
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Episodes

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Guest: 148150

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