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Creationism comes in many different forms due to the invention of many myths to describe the formation of earth in our ignorance. The general framework goes like this:

  1. A wizard creates earth with magic.
  2. An explanation of why bad things happen (ex. The Fall in Christianity.)
  3. An explanation of phenomena in the world (ex. the Sun, the Moon) - usually God.
  4. The wizard passes down this information with a religious text which is made of materials available in the area of which the myth originates.

Creationists tend to have no understanding of evolution, or they do but are being disingenuous lying motherfuckers. Creationism is supported by mountains of erroneous and unsubstantiated claims, appeals to emotion, exploitation of ignorance, misinformation, and every logical fallacy under the sun.

Meanwhile, Creationism's potent rival, Evolution, is supported by mountains of evidence across multiple scientific fields of study with no evidence going against it.

Garden of Eden

Creationism Bites - In The Beginning . .04:11

Creationism Bites - In The Beginning . . .

TJ's video on the creation myth.

"Ignorance is bliss."
—A traditional proverb.
The Garden of Eden was a magical place in Texas where everything was amazing. There were orchards of supple trees, such as apple trees, peanut trees, banana trees and fuck-over-humanity trees. Animals used to speak in tongues and were all vegans. Then one day, one woman screwed it all up by eating some fruit and now humanity has to suffer for her crimes. The Garden of Eden mysteriously disappeared after that event. Weird.

The Adventures of Dirtman & Ribwoman

God made Eve because Adam was horny as fuck and the technology to invent fleshlights had not been developed quite yet. He made a tree with sparkling titty fruits for no reason other than to tempt man. He lost his shit when Eve ate the fruit, even though he is all-knowing and knew full well of Eve's easily persuaded woman brain. He punished all humans for this which makes no sense and is totally incompetent.

The Flood

Noahic-flood

Believed by more than 40% of the U.S population

The Flood was a major part of creationist history when God realized that his creation sucked donkey turds. To start off fresh again God decided to kill every living thing on earth with a flood. God then changed his mind and decided to let a carpenter named Noah and his family live. God commanded Noah to build a big ship to fit millions of animals and keep them in their living conditions without eating each-other or starving to death for months. It worked because God, and don't you dare view the huge amount of evidence and arguments against this.

Creationism Today

Today, in many areas, various creation myths, such as the one from Christianity, are believed in over evolution due to

Creationism

100% historically accurate according to the Creationist Museum

scientific illiteracy. Creationists still try to disprove evolution with strawmen and misinformation. These "arguments" usually go anywhere from assuming huge evolutionary changes can occur over a person's lifetime ("why don't we see monkeys evolving into humans today") and claiming there are no transitional fossils because typing up "list of transitional fossils" in a Google search-bar is too much of an insurmountable task and Google is just satanic propaganda. They claim evolution is unscientific, whilst worshiping a supernatural being. The endless of regurgitation of these arguments makes for great comedic material.

The Creationist National Anthem

Creationist Cosmos, awesome 'learning' (comedic) material.

List of Creationist Arguments

This is a list of all the arguments creationist make to disprove Evolution and prove Creationism to be true and accurate. 90% of these arguments were made by Kent Hovind.

  • Show me were [x] turned into a non-[x]
  • Irreducible Complexity
  • Evolution violates entropy
  • If we came from monkeys, then why are there still monkeys?
  • The bible is the word of god therefore it's true
  • Evolution is a trick from the devil
  • I guess we're just like any other animal (appeal to emotion)
  • What are the odds of life coming from nothing
  • If evolution is true then why is there a platypus
  • Micro-Evolution not Macro-Evolution
  • The Grand Canyon proves there was a flood
  • There are different dating methods so they must be all inaccurate
  • Evolution is just a theory
  • Evolution is a leap of faith
  • Evolution is not testable, observable, and repeatable therefore it is not science
  • Were you there?
  • Evolution is a religion
  • Evolution leads to eugenics
  • Science is a conspiracy to lure you away from God
  • Pascal's wager
  • How could this beautiful world been made without a god?
  • The great flood caused the ice age.
  • DNA proves God.
  • Evolution contradicts God.
  • Darwin was a racist.
  • If evolution is true then it's ok to rape, murder, molest children, be a pedophile, drink your dad's sperm, etc.
  • Hitler was an evolutionist

List of Creationists Who Have Appeared on DP

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