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Bernie Sanders

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"In my view, and we've introduced legislation to deal with this, if a bank is too big to fail, it is too big to exist."
―Sanders at a 2016 Presidential Campaign Rally in Madison, Wisconsin.

Bernard "Bernie" Sanders is a US Senator from Vermont and a candidate in the 2016 Presidential Election. He is the only sitting senator who calls himself a socialist, making him infinitely more dank than the average citizen.

Bernie's evil, sinister plan is to save America by turning it into a giant Norway.


Bernie Sanders On The Issues00:16

Bernie Sanders On The Issues

Bernie was born in Brooklyn, New York. And has since become the catalyst for Internet hype across the world. Most millenials applaud him for doing basic shit every politician chooses not to (like being honest to the American people). Unlike the competition, Bernie has kept an impressive record of honesty and actually gives a fuck about fixing the economy.

For most of his career, Bernie has been relatively obscure. It hasn't been until recently that he's gained significant popularity and traction. Once an obscure politician with little influence, Bernie has developed into a politician that has a serious chance of winning the nomination.

Only one Harpy stands in his way...


He is liked by the Drunken Peasants Facebook page. Despite this, TJ had expressed extreme skepticism of Sanders winning and had made numerous statements that he thinks he has 0% chance of winning. Ben is more reluctant to embrace this, however, as he is a professional Bernie Sanders apologist. Scotty is ambivalent (as always). The peasants however have recently pledged full support to his campaign and believe he has a real chance.

On August 11th, 2015, TJ answered the question "What's wrong with Bernie Sanders as a candidate?" on his Tumblr.

2016 Presidential Campaign

Hey Democrats, It's Bernie Or Bust!11:49

Hey Democrats, It's Bernie Or Bust!

Early in his campaign he had a very little chance of winning the presidential election because America preferred 'less regressive and more economically logical candidates'. Recently, however, he has been recognized by the lame stream media to be a viable candidate for the Democratic nomination. He's also a damn dirty Jew that probably doesn't believe in god. In an interview with Jimmy Kimmy, when asked if he believed in god, Sanders didn't say yes.
Bernie Sanders catching up

Bernie Sanders Surging

Recently Bernie Sanders has been surging in the polls and is approaching Hillary Clinton nationally, and is even leading in some states. He virtually tied with Clinton in Iowa and completely trashed her in New Hampshire. Now, the most recent polls out of Nevada have the two in a dead tie.  

Quotes on Bernie Sanders



"Well, he has thus far been unable to control the crowds at his own events. I think that actually does say something about his qualifications. "
—TJ Kirk on #BlackLivesMatter taking over Sanders rallies.
"But in terms of policy? Nothing. He’s virtually flawless. That’s why he’ll never be president. He’s not stupid or disingenuous enough to be the president of this country. If Bernie Sanders did get elected, it would mean we did something right, and that would means I slipped into an alternate universe."
—TJ Kirk on Bernie Sanders.
"There is a secret to being a supporter of Bernie Sanders. It is something that totally escapes the thinking of most Democrats and Republicans. It is the mental understanding that Sanders is fighting a war that most people are not. It is the war between corporations and the people. Unless you are fighting this war as well, you cannot possibly understand how important it is to vote for Bernie over Hillary. This is not about Hillary or Bernie, it is about fighting your real enemies, the multi-national corporations who are trying to control this nation and the world. You ignore this war at your own peril."
—Randolph Greer on Bernie Sanders.


  • He wants Russia to join NATO. Clearly proving him as a communist.[1]
  • According to the average conservative, his entire campaign strategy is luring people in with free shit.
  • He makes good points.
  • He panders to blacks and women way too much. His one flaw. Other than being a dirty Jew.


  • Bernie pointing
  • Bernie pointing again
  • He's got two fingers up now!
  • Bernie pointing... again!




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